Thursday, September 27, 2007

mini review round-up: reaper / bionic woman / big shots / where's andrae?

yes, reaper is to chuck as ER was to chicago hope; eerily similar premise, but superior execution. not that the reaper (who you should not fear, more cowbell, har har, kill me now) is more buyable than chuck dork-wise, but because his best friend is. rarely, if ever, does a sidekick act as an improvement; eg, i love "shaun of the dead," but when nick frost becomes a zombie (whatever, spoiler alert for a movie that's been out so long they show it on comedy central), my heartstrings are far from tugged.

but our protag's right hand, sock, is not only not-too-annoying, but when they show he has a hot ex-gf, you buy it. because even tho he shops at today's man biggish and tallish and is forced to have a hollywood "see how weird i am!" haircut from the hair by rayanne graff salon (spikey/frosted for boys, randomly braided/streaked pink for girls-- ask about our other styles, like "the creepy dude" [shaved head or bald n'tufty] and "the secret babe" [ponytail or parted in the middle]), he totally sells the confident big dude act. viva the confident big dude! may he lay waste to the annoying as fuck big dude (nick frost in "shaun," god bless him) AND the borderline-retarded big dude (jason lee's scito sidekick on earl).

oh, and also, ray wise is great, as creepy as he was when he killed laura palmer, but we're allowed to find it funny now. and overall, the show has that buffy-y vibe of taking something bullshitty (say, polgara demons/arson hellspirits) and making it believable through the magic of metaphor and humor. basically, both shows are about how growing up is hell, and that's a sentiment i shall never tire of. easily the winner of the "least shameful viewing of the fall season" sweepstakes.

*bionic woman
no the, just bionic woman. making it biggest disappointment of the fall. well, not yet really, because as much as i enjoy battlestar galactica (seasons 2-3.5, anyway), i found the mini-series and most of the first season to be excruciating; i would've pushed through if a, i hadn't promised my dad i'd watch the whole thing with him, and b, we weren't so fucking bored.

we just couldn't get over how humorless it was-- humorless AND self-important. all metaphor, no humor. with a character we called roboslut and the topical map that is edward james olmos' face (that's the 100th time i've made the olmos topical map face joke, so now i get a fresca from my fridge-- thanks, me!).

but ya know, a few victories over the cylons and an "unfinished business" later, and the show is, despite the down premise, actually kind of fun. so bionic woman could follow the same upward trajectory, but right now it's just as humorless and dour as bsg used to be, except, instead of being about the possible end of mankind, it's just about some lady from eastenders or something who has a hard time dealing with the fact her legs now have intel inside. and this is on par tonally with the possible genocide of mankind how?

ps, i know they film in vancouver, but there's more gratuitous rain on this on this show than in a tony or ridley scott movie. nevermind that some of the dialogue is so action-movie-cheeseball that it seems like it's stolen from "team america: world police." and the show was edited in such a way to make you believe that they have shot and reshot this pilot so many times that we were essentially watching a clip show of all their attempts to make this not suck.

much like on battlestar, katee sackhoff, now allowed to be unconflicted about being badass, is the only one having or creating a good time (give this girl one big movie role and i bet my bottom dollar that she replaces angelina jolie as the straight girl's go-to answer for "what woman would you go gay for?"), but fuck them for taunting me with a chief cameo and then giving him all of two lines in a scene with a french guy.

[i love chief! if they gave him a spinoff in which he did nothing but grow and shave a bread, gain and lose weight, and put on and take off his orange jumpsuit, i would have a lifetime season pass in m'tivo, preorder the dvd set, and join the tv without pity boards just so i could chat with other fans in anxious weekly speculation about whether this would be a bearded week, or a thin week, or-- omg-- a jumpsuit to the waist week! "squeeeeeee!"]

for now, the verdict is that i can wait for the bsg prequel miniseries ("bsg prequel miniseries"-- maybe the nerdiest string of words in the english language) and cede the wednesday 9 pm time slot to gossip girl. which i also probably won't like.

*big shots
i only started watching this show because i heard rob thomas (VERONICA MOTHERFUCKING MARS) signed on as a consultant, but i stopped watching it after jeremy goodwin got a text from his mistress about his cock (i know, i know, she's really a choreoanimator) (totally done with the "sports night" references now) and some other asshole described getting "accidentally" blown by a tranny.

not only did he get blown by him/her (thinking he's just a her, NATCH), but we see the story unfold as he tells his asshole friends about it (jeremy goodwin included), and as this guy describes the series of events, saying this woman he meets a truck stop is "model hot," we see a black prostitute who looks like she could be a man standing outside a gas station. so it's a two for one; not only do we hear the joke coming like the great wall from outerspace-- a joke as old as the great wall itself-- but then we get to see it totally botched. so then i'd seen enough.

then i turned the channel to tim gunn's new show where he tries to help women find style but is so unfamiliar/uncomfortable with a woman's body that he requires a 3d imaging computer so he can virtually dress his victim instead of getting anywhere near her horrific boobies.

hey-- tim gunn has his own bionic woman, and the appropriate jaunty attitude to go with it! i smell cross promotion! carry on!

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